So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
