That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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