His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's like God shit irony all over that family
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
