On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
