There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
