Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
