Buhtt sex?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
