i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They are going to name an STD after you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
