I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
