I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
