I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
