I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize