Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
