i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
