Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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