He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
