I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
