her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
