Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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