He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
