Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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