He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
