Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
