I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
