I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
