Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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