shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize