Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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