One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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