i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
