Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
