i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
