Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
