I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize