If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
