so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm passing your future prison.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
