my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
