I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
