guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize