I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
