What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't turn off my feet"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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