Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
