dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
