Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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