I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
