I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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