Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize