if you like me you must not know who I am
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize