My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
