well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
