At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
