I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
