He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
