Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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