I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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