It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
