I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
