Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
