Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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