I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
