Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
