At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
