Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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