Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
