they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
